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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26400853">Wet Asphalt (This Is What Love Is)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObviouslyOtter/pseuds/ObviouslyOtter'>ObviouslyOtter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Candles, Comfort, Crying, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Forgive Me, I write everything half asleep or geeked on coffee, Love Confessions, M/M, all you really need is love at the right times</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:02:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,449</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26400853</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObviouslyOtter/pseuds/ObviouslyOtter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Soft words in the dark tell us all we need to know about love. Better when they come from the person you need to hear it from most. It's crueler when you don't realize it till afterward.</p><p>Or </p><p>Sam and Bucky go out shopping for candles.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wet Asphalt (This Is What Love Is)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Maybe it was his eyes filled with tears that came tumbling down one after the other as his chest shook uncontrollably forcing him to take uneven breaths that made him realize that he was home. Comfortable pain. The fact that he was finally free to let it all out in the open, the sounds of his sobs being let into the air clambering around inside of him, rushing to climb his larynx, no longer pushing but running freely to their final destination. Sam’s gentle hand on his hunched back holding him close feeling the heat transfer from his body to his own. It was a gentle reminder that he was home. Even gentler was the firm hand grasping his left. He could feel the bedsheets shifting underneath him when he leaned into Sam, <em> his </em>bedsheets, not that it mattered. He could be on a boat in the middle of the sea for all he cared. As long as he could hear Sam’s smooth voice contrast his horrible heaves of breath, the home was here. Right then and there, in the future and past, in light and dark, no matter what. Maybe this is where home was all along, maybe this is what love is. </p><p>That was Bucky’s first act of love.</p><p>And that was the last time he could count it. </p><p>Soon it became apparent that love wasn’t numerical. Nor did it hold numerical value. You couldn’t put it on a scale from one to ten, zero to a thousand. Either loved someone or you didn’t. A cutthroat realization that had no business being as profound yet mundane as it was. As inadequate of an answer for a question he shouldn’t have been asking himself but oddly fulfilling to his soul-searching antics. Too bad it didn’t happen when Bucky was taking a shower or while basking in a field of flowers. </p><p> </p><p>No. That was too cliche. Too lovely.</p><p> </p><p>It happened when he was standing beside Sam who was sniffing every goddamn candle in the section. </p><p> </p><p>“You could just take all five y’ know?” Bucky suggested. Though it was a humorous sight to see the one and only Falcon in the middle of a candle store aggressively sniffing candles like his life depended on it.</p><p>“Are you kidding me? They cost forty dollars each. I think I’ll take two then go,” he said turning straight back to keep sniffing. Bucky wasn’t too picky about Sam’s choices as long as it wasn’t those cabin scented ones. Had the house smelling like a dirty warehouse. </p><p><em> Sam smelled nice though</em>, his thoughts dared to intrude. </p><p>That day was a day of stomach-turning, life-changing epiphanies for Bucky it seemed as he now had the revelation that the moment you discover love’s next puzzle piece there isn’t often a way to exercise it in the immediate. So, on this momentous occasion, if you are to find yourself capable of executing the honorable act of love, you should do so. Before the moment slips away and you regret every fiber of your being for not moving in sync with the truth. Especially if the truth could be summed or interpreted to the simplest of complex phrases, the infamous: <em> I love you</em>.</p><p>Bucky could’ve blessed the stars, the moon, the planets, the number of gods Thor tells them of daily. He could’ve blessed everything down to the dirt that got the heel of his boots dirty but instead, Bucky blessed Clint for arguing that he needed a paycheck and Tony for giving it to him when SHIELD said no.</p><p>“I’ll pay for the rest Sam just pick which ones you want.” </p><p><em> A small price to pay for love</em>. </p><p>“No Buck, these cost way too much for you to just buy five of ‘em.” </p><p>
  <em> And we never think we’re worth it. </em>
</p><p>“Oh?” Bucky began picking up the candles and placing them in their basket. “That’s crazy, look how they’re just going into our basket.”</p><p>
  <em> Until we find someone who makes us realize. </em>
</p><p>When he looked up Sam was smiling at him, arms crossed but mood other than. </p><p>Shaking his head Sam said, “I’ll pay you back on Friday. Thank you.”</p><p>
  <em> Only because they did too. </em>
</p><p>Bucky held his hand up in protest. “No need. Consider it a gift, Wilson. Now let’s get out of here my feet are killing me.” </p><p><em> That love costs nothing. </em> </p><p>Sam’s smile seemed so much more radiant after that. Not because he was gifted something or because that day was special. But because Bucky had dedicated every moment after that point to making Sam smile. To make Sam feel the way he did though he knew that there was no true way to ensure that Sam would return the feelings. It meant nothing if he did anyway, Bucky would be happy to spend the rest of his life as just friends if it meant staying close to him. </p><p>The car ride home was buzzing with laughter, jokes, bad singing, and smiles. Electricity shot through Bucky’s body every time Sam would playfully hit him. The zips and zaps that lasted for a flicker of a second sent butterflies to Bucky’s heart regardless of how minuscule the action was. A part of him, the little nudging voices in the back of his head were at war. <em> Touch him back</em>, one said. <em> Don’t feed into it when you know y’all don’t feel the same</em>, the other countered. The voices kept arguing until Bucky and Sam got home. After tossing the ideas around in his head he decided to listen to neither of them.</p><p><em> There was nothing to fight against</em>, he told himself.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Yo Buck,” Sam called from the kitchen. Bucky could see Sam standing behind the kitchen island with the candles they had bought all laid out in front of him with the lighter they used for grilling next to it.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Hit the switch for me?” he asked politely. Begrudedly getting out his very comfy spot on the couch, Bucky walked over to the light switch and turned off the light in the kitchen succumbing the house to total darkness. “Now come here.”</p><p>“Demanding are we?” Bucky tried to maneuver to the kitchen blind but hit his hip on the side of the counter. “Ow. Maybe I should’ve turned on my flashlight first, huh?”</p><p>Sam’s snicker shot right through to the butterflies in his stomach. “Yeah, maybe. Sorry for that lemme put get mine out.” Sam pulled out his phone and turned the flashlight on for him. It was much easier to move around when there was light despite the ridiculous amount of space between everything. They’d argued to T’Challa and Tony that the house was too big for both of them but the two billionaires had no concept of the phrase ‘too big’.</p><p>Once Bucky was beside him on the other side of the counter Sam turned the light on the candles. “Pick one.”</p><p>“Really? I bought these for you, Sam.” </p><p>“And I was thinking about you when I picked them so it ours. Pick one,” he repeated. </p><p>Bucky looked at all five on the counter, not paying attention so much to the writing but the color he thought would smell the best. “Uhhhh… The pink one.”</p><p>“The pink one? Okay, hold this.” Sam gave Bucky his phone so he could open the package. “Rose Sage and underneath it says… love. Aww, Buck tryna tell me something?”</p><p>“You caught me,” he said in feigned defeat. “You’ve always known how to look straight through my soul.” </p><p>“Well, you picked it fast,” Sam said, only slightly struggling to open the box.</p><p>“Well, you’re easy to love.” The words came bumbling out of him pure and honestly. Detached from all he knew like he hadn’t said them. </p><p>Sam beamed at Bucky’s reply and took the phone from him to use the flashlight. </p><p>“Any reason we’re doing this in the dark?” Bucky watched him rummage through various drawers and cabinets. Sam had never been the spiritual type from what Bucky observed but this screamed seance to him if he’d ever seen one.</p><p>“You’ll see in a second, just be patient.” A few seconds later Sam came up with an “Aha!” and a pair of scissors, then rushed back to Bucky’s side. “Hold the tag up for me?” he asked. Bucky held the tag up for Sam and noticed that the tag doubled as a wick to ignite the candle. Sam snipped the wick to a reasonable size and promptly turned off the flashlight. An orange flame was produced from the lighter Bucky saw earlier. Sam set the wick aflame.</p><p>“Okay, definitely getting satanic vibes.”</p><p>“Shut up and hold my hand, you idiot.” He could hear the smile in Sam’s voice. “We’re making a wish together.”</p><p>Bucky wordlessly took Sam’s hand in his, allowing for the butterflies and electricity to flow through him. </p><p>“Okay. On the count of three, we’ll blow the flame out and make a wish, got it?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Bucky quickly rifled through his mental file cabinet looking for something to wish for.</p><p>Sam turned his head towards Bucky and squeezed his hand. “One, two, three…” They blew the flame out together. Admittedly, it was all but a tiny flame that could be blown out if they turned around too quickly but Bucky didn’t care. It was theirs and they shared it. </p><p>Sam relit the candle, this time letting it burn. Bucky gazed into the orange flame wondering if life would’ve felt like this had he lived through the forties. Another gentle squeeze of the hand-pulled him out of his reverie. Sam’s gentle voice dared to lull him back. “What did you wish for?” </p><p>Bucky tensed like a child lying to their parents. He didn’t wish for anything because he had exactly what he wanted right there and then, with Sam by his side. </p><p>So naturally, he lied. </p><p>“Oh y’know,” he said casually. “The basics. A load of money and a private island all to myself. Oh, and my arm back.”</p><p>Sam snorted. “Whatever you say, Flynn Ryder.” Then Sam grabbed Bucky’s other hand, voice quieter than it already was. Bucky couldn’t see but what the faint glow of the candle afforded them but he imagined Sam’s eyes soft and full of mirth, full of the compassion he felt guilty for not naturally possessing. “I think your metal arm is pretty cool though. Little me would’ve died to have an arm like this.” </p><p>“Aww shucks, doll.” he felt the heat rising in his cheeks. He didn’t know how Sam did it, making other people reach his decibel without coaxing. It was oddly relaxing.  “You didn’t have to do me like that.”</p><p>There was a pause before Sam answered. “Doll? Never been called that before.”</p><p>“Consider it your new nickname then.” Sam shook his head gently and squeezed both of Bucky’s hands one last time. <em> I could get used to that. </em> “Well, I’mma head off to bed. Thank you for sharing this moment with me. Goodnight Buck.”</p><p>Not finding any excuse that could make him stay a tad longer, Bucky replied, “Goodnight, Doll.”</p><p>And there Sam left him in the dark kitchen to bask in the dim glow of their love. </p><p>Bucky was positive that he had the arm set to feel nothing but he swore that it must’ve been malfunctioning because there was no other way to explain how Sam left both of his feeling cold. The silly overpriced candle stared back at him, the scent now forever ingraining this tiny memory into his head. Rose Sage now a permanent marker of his time with Sam. The rush of raw emotion that he felt earlier came back to him and revitalized the same revelation that dared to haunt him for the rest of his days.</p><p><em> Love costs nothing. </em> </p><p>
  <em> Nothing physical anyway. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Of course, however, the good moments are great once we realize that we took such moments for granted. That’s why when Bucky found himself up at two in the morning listening to the sounds of heavy rain and sharp lighting strikes with Sam, he knew how much it meant to bring happiness to the man who’d already given him so much of his own. So he sat there on the porch in the suspended wicker basket chair with Sam knowing the best thing he could offer was his presence. To let Sam know that they’d weather this storm together no matter how many raindrops Sam needed to shed, he’d be the heat source in the icy rain. They must’ve looked horrendously silly sitting on the porch with nothing but the bug net, the roof of the chair, and a blanket to cover them, huddling together against the rain but sometimes you just needed what you needed. </p><p>Not before long, Sam’s quiet sobs turn into silence as they cuddled together for warmth. The storm kept going as they had no bases to tell Mother Earth to stop but they did pick up light chatter. Easygoing conversation to challenge the downpour’s gloomy ambiance. </p><p>“I like the way asphalt looks when it’s wet. “ Sam offered, sniffling and wiping some of the last tears from his eyes. “I know it’s supposed to be a bad thing because of,” he gestured vaguely, “pollution and all of that. But I like it.”</p><p>Bucky looked down at the ring on Sam’s finger, taking Sam’s hand to play with the lightning’s light reflecting off of it. “I agree. It must be a city thing or something. All of the traffic lights and stuff always shining.”</p><p>Sam hummed. “Yeah, maybe.” A pregnant paused fell over them. Sam shifted closer to Bucky and in response, Bucky held his arms tighter around him. Words that rang true once rang true once more. <em> This is where home is. </em> </p><p>“Thank you, Buck. For coming out here with me, you didn’t have to.”</p><p>“Don’t sweat it,” Bucky waved off. “You’d do the same for me.” A beat passed. Then another. “I love you, Sam.”</p><p>Sam didn’t look up him but Bucky could imagine the way the lightning reflected off of his eyes and how the off yellow street light cast a shadow on his face. He could see himself holding Sam with the same off yellow draping them like a safety blanket while the sky poured rain from the heavens. One beat. Two beats,</p><p>“I love you too, Buck.” The lightning struck.  “I love you so much.”</p><p>Sam ran his ran hand over Bucky’s, cusping it in his when he got to his fingertips. “Stay with me when we go inside?” he asked.</p><p>Bucky squeezed his hand. “Of course, Doll.”</p><p>The lightning struck again, loud roof shattering thunder following after. </p><p>“Not right now though.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Bucky returned. “Not right now though.”</p><p> </p>
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